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Subject:Good News!
Time:04:11 pm
Somebody left a comment in this, Teh BFJ tribute site today. It was Portuguese spam, but I took it as a sign that things are looking up.
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Subject:Howdy
Time:05:20 pm
It's working again. I like it the best.
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Subject:You Must Visit
Time:08:57 pm
Its back and now its, uh, not named teh BFJ
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Subject:Welcome Back
Time:09:40 pm
Just to confirm, this is the LiveJournal that comes back to life whenever Teh BFJ dies out.

Ladies and People of the Bowling for Jesus family, this is a tribute.
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Subject:Teh BFJ is War on Christmas Central
Time:06:00 pm
Jerry Falwell.

If you don't want to read that context providing article, let me summarize. Falwell wants everyone to celebrate Christmas. Indeed, if your town isn't willing to recognize the religious side of this holiday, his group will sue your town.

Yes, even if they put up a 60 foot Santa in the middle of your town, if your town government opts to weakly follow the separation of church and state by allowing this red suited representation of a Catholic Saint in town center but not so much as a 2 foot long baby Jesus, Falwell will sue your ass into the ground. Merry Christmas, bitch.

Apparently, despite evidence that there probably isn't any "war on Christmas" being fought, Falwell is insisting that the ACLU and liberals in general are trying to wipe the holiday off the map.

Let me pause here for a moment.

Lucifer was an angel. One day, he rebeled against God because he believed he knew better than God and should lead heaven. So he got in trouble and fell from grace and renamed himself Satan which is, of course, an anagram of Santa. Spiro Agenew is an anagram of "grow a penis," but I digress. Anyhow, at first, Satan was all bummed out about getting kicked out from heaven, until he realized that he still knew better than God and could lead God's people on Earth. At this point, he had to choose a human form and a name. Since he decided that, in light of his probably success leading Christians on Earth, that is was good that hell fell, he chose a name to reflect this. Specifically, Fall-Well, or Falwell.

Jerry Falwell.

You heard it here first, folks. Jerry Falwell is, in fact, the human incarnation of Satan, who knows better than God. There are, of course, worse and more evil fundementalists out there of all religions, but he is the one with the most power and with the name that most suggests that he is, in fact, Satan fallen to Earth. I mean, come on, Satan, how dumb do you think we are?

Back to the main point of this, there is, as near as most sane, rational people can tell, no war on Christmas - or "give presents to athiest children day," as I like to call it. However, by deciding to raise arms (and lawyers) against this imaginary war, Falwell has, in fact, attacked us. Attacked us hard and from behind, which is kind of hot, but still... THIS WILL NOT STAND!

I propose that, from this point forth, teh BFJ becomes WAR ON CHRISTMAS central.

All wars need clear objectives. Well, except for the one in Iraq. However, I am running this war, and I have some clear objectives.

1. Getting "The Little Drummer Boy" off the radio across the country permanently, except for the Bing Crosby/David Bowie version, because that version is totally fucked.

2. Forming an army of large, angry Tiny Tim imitators who will agressively seek out Salvation Army Christmas bell ringers and stand beside them screaming "GOD BLESS US EVERY ONE" at the top of their lungs in order to terrify anyone who donates money or wishes them a happy holiday.

3. Aggresively wishing every one a "Frickin' Awesome Festivus," thus replacing the Christianity inherent in "Merry Christmas" with a phrase from that liberal TV show, Seinfeld, that will make Falwell much more berserk than even the phrase "Happy Holidays."

We will know we've won the war when an amused John Stewart makes a passing reference to us on a Thursday episode of The Daily Show.

Let's roll, people. We only have 23 days to accomplish this and very limited resources. Spread the word everywhere you can.

Crossposted from Teh BFJ for everyone who doesn't use IE and complained.
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Subject:this is a tribute
Time:06:55 pm
if it hasn't reached your ears yet, kylie has been diagnosed with early breast cancer.

a year or two ago, a close friend of mine was diagnosed with cervical cancer and had a hysterectomy (sp?). she didn't tell me until she'd had the operation, because she didn't want the sympathy.

but if she had told me, it would have felt this way.

which is really lame. i feel like an idiot for feeling this way about a celebrity.
so i'm going to write a tribute.


oh baby
yeah yeah
you're nothing like
your mum when i fuck her

oh yeah yeah

you got pebbles,
you got little shiny sparkles
yeah yeah
just sparkle those pebbles away
mmm
baby

you're nothing like
your mum when i fuck her

nothin like ya muuuuum
ooooo
nothin like ya mumm....
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Current Music:Justin Timberlake - Like I Love You
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Subject:Your Assignment
Time:11:19 pm
Current Mood:Cromulent
This hasn't been updated in awhile and teh real BFJ is broken for at least a couple more days so I thought I'd drop by and bring up the fact that I have yet to see any scans from the forthcoming issue of Playboy featuring Deb(bie)orah Gibson. Mind you, I've never thought of her as anything even remotely resembling attractive - except for once when I found out she was dating Anthony Keidis - rather horse-faced if you ask me. But there are times, times that bring to mind the horse-faces of Tiffany and Belinda Carlisle, when you have to look past that sort of thing. I garuantee, by this time next month, she'll be the new Alyssa Milano (ie: would you please stop taking off your damn clothes?).
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Current Music:Testament - Trial By Fire
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Subject:Fuckos!
Time:01:31 pm
Current Mood:Cromulent
I believe Joey said Teh BFJ is look for a few good writers. We've still got three open spots and I'm tired of people signing up that suck. So, sign up, right here even, now. Or just link to it. Or tell all your friends. We're trying to create internet celebrities here. You're all fat.
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Subject:My Christmas Gift To You
Time:01:21 am
Because we all thought it was a myth, I give to you...

Chloe Sevigny giving head to Vincent Gallo from The Brown Bunny.

Merry Christmas, friends.
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Subject:All My Wishes Have Now Come True
Time:11:33 am
Teh BFJ is look for a few good writers.

Don't miss this golden shower opportunity.
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[icon] This is a Tribute
View:Recent Entries.
View:Archive.
View:Friends.
View:Profile.
View:Website (Teh BFJ OMG OMG OMG).
You're looking at the latest 10 entries.
Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 10 entries